Suggested Audio Candy:
David Rodriguez The Walking Dead
Keeper has to come clean to the Grueheads. It has been gnawing away at me from the inside for months now and I can’t carry on holding it in any longer. It is with a great sense of shame that I must confess to still never having seen The Walking Dead. Oh God that was tough, but its out there now. There’s no taking it back aside from hitting delete which is something I swore I would never be held culpable of.
The fact it’s so hard to face my communion for this sin should reassure y’all that it has not been a decision I have made through ignorance. I’m not one of these crazed Romero-ites who believe anything else is sacrilege, I’ll take my zombies any way they’re served, adapt my mind and go along for the ride. My issue with the influx of fodder that has been pumped out like toxic waste over the past few years is this: saturation. But that would never be the cause of me not having watched this fine piece of televisual mastery, its purely time constraints.
I’ve been so overwhelmed by the growth of our grue family, that I’ve scribed every waking second for the past two months. It’s relentless, I spread myself thinner than a stick man’s penis as I constantly feel the need to create. To watch a season of anything just hasn’t been an option but I can take no more. It is time for Keeper to change all that and I’m sure you would expect no less than for me to find some fresh way to analyze the shit out of this modern zombie behemoth so I offer this.
Most reviewers would most likely watch something before scoring it (although often it doesn’t seem that way). Not Keeper however, I say let’s have some fun with this, I’m no reviewer, I Appraise. I do this Keeper style so I’ve conjured up an approach to this sequence which allows for a fresh slant to be taken. I shall Appraise in action, chronicle my pilgrimage from the very start and that includes build-up. I’ll weigh in regularly with findings and hopes going forward. Therefore if you too haven’t yet had the divine pleasure that I face now, then it’s the perfect time to walk alongside me.
Expectations? Well from the very moment I heard the name Frank Darabont attached to the project I already knew where things were heading. This was never going to be some lightweight fluff that gets canned after one season. The timing was perfect; zombies were big business, real big business after the wide success of Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland, not to mention 28 Days Later and it’s sequel which trod similar parallels. Romero was still firing them out and, although not destined, in my opinion and thus far, to scale the heights of his past achievements, he still knows how to make a good zombie flick.
The Walking Dead has achieved the kind of adulation I expected would be afforded it. My expectations are high but that’s not a foolhardy pursuit. I place the utmost faith in this vision and I know that if I look like falling there will be a sea of angelic hands all waiting to replenish me. The comforting palms will be those of leagues of obsessed (such a great emotion) diehards whose Twitter Bios and mantles reflect their adoration for the material and evidently there seem to be a helluva lot of quivering quims at the very mention of a certain.
Just saying those words gives even Keeper a dash of excitement. Sometimes admiration is totally a necessity and I already have that for Reedus as I have had my eye on him for a while. The Boondock Saints is another name which induces soaked-through fanny pads the world over. Cracking little movie and, alongside the equally stupendous Sean Patrick Flanery, Norman rocked the shit of his role.
I’ve actually played the first three chapters of Telltale Games’ marvellous 360 interactive adventure and, whilst not relating to the same set of characters (stellar choice), it does suggest the selection dilemma as we watch our group of survivors diminish. It’s gonna hurt, kidney guards are armed and ready for a flurry of blows.
I’m fully expectant of superb characterization of complex personalities. Alliances shall be forged, friendships launched, decisions will need to be made on the fly which will test these bonds. Its writers will bleed life into all these antagonists and, through doing so, take us into their nightmarish reality.
Once we invest, we’re all in for the flop, and with a darned good hand. Until the final episode of the final season it’s game on. Another expectation I feel quite within my rights having is of some spectacularly spectacular grue. Again, not rocket science.
So I’m armed for my pilgrimage, my itinerary is only this: my DVD Player and first three seasons of The Walking Dead. I’m no longer at my homestead and instead I’m doing the Norman Bates thing and shacking up with dear old ma, although considerably less disturbingly. I’ve left my savage vaults behind and I pledge now to reclaim them. Over the coming week you shall hear from me as I passionately pour the love for this, and slight man-crush on the Reedus that I fully expects is inbound. I’ve never felt so confident that I’m in for one hell of a fucking hailstorm. And I love shitstorms.
Truly, really, always sin-cerely,
I bleed for you all, and do so quite clearly
it’s my soul that’s the scribe, refilling for you
these perpetually crimson Rivers of Grue
Keeper of the Crimson Quill
THE ORPHAN KILLER STEEL BOOK BLU-RAY IS AVAILABLE NOW Purchase The Orphan Killer Official website Orphan Killer movie on iTunes in 1080p Orphan Killer Facebook Page Orphan Killer Twitter Orphan Killer Official Mask Orphan Killer on Youtube Orphan Killer on Flickr Orphan Killer on Instagram Orphan Killer on Tumblr Matt Farnsworth on Facebook Diane Foster on Facebook Matt Farnsworth on Twitter Diane Foster on Twitter Facebook Matt Farnsworth on Twitter Diane Foster on Twitter