Bring Me The Head of Justin Bieber



Suggested Audio Candy:

Timbaland Indian Flute (Instrumental)


Bring me the head of Justin Bieber
and I shall commence my charge
I’ll throw his nut to the wide receiver
watch it pop with a shoulder barge


I’ll lob his drab nut in a deep fat fryer
bring it gently to the simmer
then sauté that shit into party-sized segments
and refuse to consume it for dinner


Pass me the noggin of this little ass wipe
no requirement to do so all kindly
my days of enduring this pube sprout’s exertions
are a lifetime of shuffles behind me


Just lob his top box in my general direction
and I shall ensure this is done right
and once on my mantle it won’t see a lick
of tap water or natural sunlight


That’s what one does when a lad shows a face
so embarrassing to the whole species
so I’ll kick it around like an old hacky sack
and into the next pile of feces


With vulcanized sandpaper I shall commence
to erase that smug grin from his face
then as he recoils I’ll throw in some oils
to the tune of a few sprays of mace


I shall insert him into a llama’s rectum
let it marinade deep in that rump
Hell I’d wait around for a month of Sundays
just to witness that beast take its dump


should I twist anti-clockwise it’s bound to come off
I will just need to give it a tug
there’s bound to be gore as he drops to the floor
but I plan just a solitary shrug



It appears that the G thang is goin’ on now
seems the Bieber believes he’s a gangster
so I’ll hollow his skull out as it would provide
a nice exercise ball for my hamster


Beady eyes are no prize mere lychees for supplies
but I’ll pluck out both using a spoon
then it’s over my knee ’til that dung-clogged hiney
bears the hue of a backed-up baboon


Perhaps I am being a mere dash unkind
do his crimes really warrant such meanness
and besides isn’t sanction severe as it is
nice abs but you call that a penis


While it may seem a little bit mean on my part
to treat Justin with such cruel disrespect
metaphorical son I won’t lay a finger
beyond simply snapping that neck


Nay I’ll polish that head with the finest hot wax
and if acne appears then I’ll mask it
I’ll be mighty nice I promise I will
should you have a request then just ask it


How could I so much as sleep tight in my bed
if I messed up your most cherished feature
that quiff may be stiff but let’s see how it fares
up against my man-made alopecia


Thus I’ll fluff up some pillows make them seem all inviting
switch the channel to Trump’s keynote speech
then I’ll leave your numskull to its hamstrung devices
with remote inches out of your reach


In truth Justin Bieber you’ve done me no wrong
your crimes really aren’t all that heinous
but you just have that face one so easy to punch
and the thought of it just entertains us




No Justin Biebers were harmed during production. Better luck next time eh?


Cheeky Little Sinner,

Keeper of the Crimson Quill

Copyright: Crimson Quill: Savage Vault Enterprises 2013 (Revised Edition 2016)



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