2014: Year of The Grue


Suggested Audio Candy:

The Shamen Move Any Mountain (Pro-Gen ’91)


It’s that time again Grueheads. 2013 is seeping through the hourglass as I scribe, mere days away from becoming nothing more than a vague recollection. For me, it will live long in the memory for a whole host of reasons, not all of which are good I might add. There have been tears, tantrums and tiaras along the way but I prefer to look back at the happy memories and look forward to making more. You see, 2013 may have been a rocky road, but it has also been the year of Rivers of Grue’s conception and, from one man pouring his heart and passion forth for a tiny audience, has transformed into something of far greater significance. There is a long road ahead of us friends but, the good news is, it will be an exciting path to traverse. Our team has been carefully hand-selected and consists of some marvelous talent. From better known scribes to upcoming fledglings still learning their trade, we form a rather formidable whole. As ringleader of this crazy carnival I encourage freedom of expression from all. We aim to push back boundaries and it is my belief that the tides are already beginning to change.


Rivers of Grue is something of an anomaly, defying characterization as we branch out in numerous directions. What begun as a site for appraising horror and cult movies past and present has augmented into something far more personal to its addressees. This was always my intention but I had no tangible plan on how to achieve this. I believe it is this that has afforded us the opportunity to really push this in the invigorating direction it currently heads; with no restraints and always learning of new ways to engage and entertain.


As for how I organize myself, well I never pre-ordain what the quill will be bleeding that day. Instead I allow each passing day to make that decision for me and this results in a vast range of different topics waxed. Of course, I’m a horror aficionado first and foremost and this has remained the case but, more critically, I am a lover of film, of music, of literature, of video games, of the naked form and, last but certainly not least, a lover of life. This bleeds through in every single word wrangled. Articles range from out-and-out horror, to black humor, to out-and-out comedy, to structured analysis and technical knowledge. It’s all here and, while I can’t guarantee that every piece will appeal personally, I can say with great vigor that there is something to suit all tastes. Often the tone of a piece will change midway and that is testament to the fact that nothing is pre-scripted. Every piece of poetry is organically produced and each article starts with a title alone before mutating from there.


There are numerous terms and expressions you all hear banded around habitually and these words are sometimes in bold lettering to allow for a more 3D experience. You see, I sit beside no dictionary, checking words for authenticity. It’s far more rewarding to create one’s own language. Spell check are constantly on my back-fat but I shake them off like weak influenza. Who the fuck are they to proclaim that a term doesn’t exist? More to the point – if it doesn’t, then isn’t it then merely an opportunity?


Peepers are preferred to eyes, feelers or digits to fingers, balloon knot often takes precedence to anus…I could harp on merrily, but anyone reading these works with regularity will become only too aware of Keeper’s little quirks. There are many, believe me. I also leave mental breadcrumb trails and knowing nods on frequent occasion; this being to personalize each reader’s experience and make a deeper connection.

cherrypick xmas3

When starting out I was offered a whole host of advice, of which, I cherry-picked (my all-time favorite pastime aside from masturbation) and one nugget offered was to be aware that attention spans are short. Most folk read a piece because it grabs their attention or they stumble onto it as a happy accident. Once read, the page is never returned to. Whilst I appreciate the logic and agree in part, my art is structured so as to invite repeat visitation. I do so myself, I have my darlings which I refer back to if a particular mood incites this.


It thrills me akin to a french tickler on the Johnson just to see this manifest with so many devout grue champions. It’s one big pick and mix but each individual has their own buds for tasting with and that reflects on the views for articles passed. If a rainy day persists in pissing in your morning bran, then Rivers of Grue is there to offer vintage pipe and carpet slippers. Additionally, should you wish a probing feeler down the front of your panties, riding the equator as it heads for the goldmine, then it is here also. I make no bones about being a very open individual. Apply your own logic to what I scribe, it’s metaphor if you choose, take from it as you wish. Cherry-pick.


The uninitiated may take one look at the visual content or coarse language and run off into the night screaming “Burn the witch!” That is their choice entirely, I understand and wish them well on their travels. Of course, being Keeper of The Crimson Quill, I do send my henchmen hurtling off wielding a splitting maul. This isn’t to obliterate their craniums into iddy biddy fragments, just because their reaction tickles me. Bad Keeper.


Folk are still learning how to take me. I’m nigh on impossible to shock, never ever judge even when the signs are less than encouraging. Invariably people fret about upsetting me but it is beginning to dawn that I don’t play like ‘dat. I don’t hide behind an ego, contrary to my swagger as Keeper. I love, spread love, receive love gladly and gratefully and that won’t be changing. I regularly cite my intention to offer unconditional affection and this has been proven once before. Somebody very dear to me challenged my intentions and unfortunately now our paths have separated. However, if that person ever walked to the gates of grue once more then they would be met with open arms. Unconditional. There is far too much emphasis on expectation; it’s something we’re all culpable of from time to time. I enter a relationship in the same way I do a movie: with adjustable height. I have no preconception, only belief and, should that ever be questioned, then I simply relocate the bar. I’ve never so much as fractured a bone, so words don’t hurt me particularly. That’s not to say I’m not a sensitive soul, on the contrary, I’m a sap-satchel who has never seen Beaches I might add. But I do love Titanic.


I trust you have had the old laugh, either with me or at my expense, which is something I encourage openly, and my real goal for 2014 with Rivers of Grue is just that again, with additional relish. As the year commences to bleed out, I have some brutal shit up my sleeve to mark the changeover, mark my words. My mind is filled with ridiculousness and frivolity that I wish to always share; I’m not the Dalai Lama or anything, but I can get to him via six degrees of separation. Right now I am about to embark on my daily quota of approximately four hours sleep but shall leave you with a brief lullaby. Got my theme music like Shaft, strings, percussion, the whole nine. I feel a song coming on; it’s growing inside me like a septic cancer and I need to release this angst before it consumes me. I’ve just gotta sing dagnabbit.

Je T’aime Bonus Brain


You know me by now just a man with a brain
There exists an extra carriage on the back of this train
I feed it and knead it but never impede it
If it steps out of line then I proceed to beat it


Thing is it has a dark side open to suggestion
Bonus Brain tends to eat when it’s rep is in question
It’s a hungry little blighter I will give it that
Ingesting great minds daily just to turn them to fat


It wears a red bodice and matching red blazer
It steals my shower gel and uses my razor
I don’t lose my temper or shun it away
and feed it at least an hour’s sunlight each day


If it brings home a date then I make them both supper
and should its heart break then I’ll find it another
If we ever were parted I’d carve out my peepers
To act as my finders after all it is Keeper’s



Truly, Really, Clearly, Sincerely,

Keeper of the Crimson Quill

#BrutalWordWrangler #CrimsonHoneyDripper #CruelWordSculptor
Copyright: Crimson Quill: Savage Vault Enterprises 2013



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