Suggested Audio Candy:
Porcupine Tree Trains
The past ten months of my life have been one long curve ball. I have reached cavernous lows and touched my own personal zenith, felt like giving up on a number of occasions and had the bit between my teeth on others. With every heartbreak has come triumph and with every requiem has come a new awakening. Throughout this period one thing has remained consistent and that is that the world keeps spinning regardless.
I have forged a path through my folly and stoutly believe that this is my intended trajectory. Somebody wise once said to Keeper that bad shit happens to them because they can handle it and, by taking it on the chin, it means someone weaker doesn’t have to. Ultimately we have very little control over certain events in our lives but there is one thing we can take ownership of and that is the path that we forge. When I began my current pilgrimage I decided that honesty was the way to go, a lifetime of bottling has left those nearest and dearest none the wiser as to what makes me tick and, by showing myself warts and all, I offer the insight that allows folk to make their own mind up about me knowing all the facts.
I started out as a scribe not aware of the kind of difference I could make. I was broken; three years of stress, anxiety and depression had done a number on my self-esteem and I had no inkling that anyone would actually give a hoot about what I had to say. Then something happened which was entirely unexpected, folk started to actually read my work. Moreover, they took inspiration from it. All of a sudden I felt buoyant where before I had felt demoralized, shared energy began to inspire work which I would never have considered possible during the depths of my slump. I began to forge a path.
It isn’t always feasible to know exactly where you are heading as attested by a period around Christmas when I felt that the desire to carry on was beginning to slip and I pressed the self-destruct button, expecting my weary shell to provide me with a premature out. This was my lowest ebb and I fully expected my path to lead to a blind alley but instead something totally unexpected occurred. A hand reached out of the darkness and gripped on, pulling me from the quicksand which was threatening to consume me and dusting me off. My dear friend and brother C. William Giles may not be aware of how close I was to throwing in the towel but he halted my slide and for that I will be eternally indebted.
I’m not going to lie as it would go against the grain to do so. It hasn’t been a cakewalk since. Some days I feel like my will to continue is faltering and, since taking myself off the meds, my mood and belief has fluctuated wildly. But I carry on regardless. Writing has become my crutch, it allows me to forge a path even when it appears all is lost. I may not be able to control events around me or, indeed, others’ opinions of me but that is fine as what I can do is keep keeping on, continue to share my passion for prose and assist others in forging their own path.
Outlandish as it may sound it has never been my intention to change anyone’s lives, instead I have wished merely to inspire those people to make those alterations for themselves. Empowerment is key, it is through others’ shared belief in my abilities that I have wriggled free of my own mental shackles and the reason why I still continue to do what it is that I love most. Nobody held a gun to my head and said “give me 1000 words now or I’ll pull the trigger”, but what they did do so marvelously was to say “you’ve got those 1000 words in you Keeper, actually you may as well make it 1500”.
It is a year now since I first launched Rivers of Grue and I’m pleased to report that currently it is thriving. More critically I have continued to forge my own path through the darkness which once threatened to consume me. I’m not the finished article and neither do I ever wish to be. Life is primarily for learning and loving and that is paramount. If I can continue to practice both, and my writing affords me the exclusive opportunity to do so, then I can wake up each morning with a smile instead of the grimace which had been customary prior to where I find myself now.
Creative minds are destined to be misunderstood and thus not everyone can fathom my motive at all times. There are those who have taken exception to me and I am okay with that. Sure I want to be liked, who doesn’t, but I also understand that life is rarely that clear-cut. I don’t see the point of fretting about what you can’t change but what I do know now is that there is plenty I can. Thus I continue to forge my path, remain dogged in my pursuits and let the rest take care of itself. Bottom line is that every last one of us has potential; it’s what we do with that promise which is decisive.
Once a sinner always a sinner,
Keeper of the Crimson Quill
First Knight of TOK
#BrutalWordWrangler #CrimsonHoneyDripper #WordSculptor #ThePiper
Copyright: Crimson Quill: Savage Vault Enterprises 2014