Suggested Audio Candy:
Shirley Bassey “History Repeating”
Have you ever suffered from déjà vu? That feeling where you could swear that you have been in the exact same situation before and are reliving a certain course of events. I am having it right now. Surrounded by the gutted cadavers of my dearest friends, I remember exactly how it plays out but have no idea how I got to be in this place again. They say that familiarity breeds contempt, well I feel pretty fucking pissed as I know full well what is in store. In just a couple more minutes a killer will emerge and my day will end on a distinct low. Being crudely carved from asshole to appetite is no joking matter, especially when you know that history is bound to repeat itself before too long. Where’s Ned Ryerson when you need him?
There’s my opposite number; 6″4, built like a brick shit house with head bulging out of his mask. He looks like he means business and, if memory serves, he’ll be getting down to it in just a moment. I could attempt to escape but I already know that it won’t end well. I almost make it past his hulking frame but his elongated blade glances my abdomen as I pass. Cue five minutes of slowly bleeding out as he watches on with head tilted. Then, as I fade from consciousness, he ensures that my ultimate passage to death is far from civil and slices me open like a thanksgiving turkey. Not a great deal to look forward to then.
“Oh my God. No. Who…who are you” I’m taking this as a second bite of the cherry. Not everyone is fortunate enough to change their fate so I feel somewhat charmed at this point, despite the fact that I’m about to be cut to ribbons. At least I get some say in the matter. Invariably it will end badly for me but, should I learn a little from my denouement, then I shall store the Intel for next time. I already know there will be one of those. I have already tried to run round to his left and attempt the pass and that got me nowhere fast. This time I shall try his right, maybe that is his weaker side. Nope.
This next stage is my least favorite. Here comes the blade, ten inches long and sharp enough to gut a rhino. True to form, it starts at my sphincter. One quick jab and it finds it home and the pain is just as unbearable as I recall. Lots of nerve endings down there, every last one about to be lacerated. Fuck this hurts. Unless I’m mistaken, I choke on my own blood before the machete reaches my rib cage. That seems like a fair deal to me, I’ll pray for my quick release and do things differently next time. It may take a couple more cracks but eventually I will succeed and this nightmare will be over. I just want to get on with my life. Here it comes, tearing through cartilage, it’s agonizing for the next few seconds so forgive me if I’m not vocal. Please…no! Argh!
Here I am, surrounded by the gutted cadavers of my dearest friends. Everything is painfully familiar and little more than a screenshot for yesterday’s news. I can already discern the footsteps outside as they make their way over to the door. It’s the only available exit and I’m severely hamstrung right now which is nothing new as it’s the same as yesterday. I’m too feeble to attempt to fight my way out of this, besides, that was the first thing I tried and it ended even more badly for me. If I remember correctly this is my sixth run-out and every time has concluded with claret mouthwash and a death stare. It really is getting tiresome.
I’m trying to look surprised as the last thing I want is to hurt the guys feelings. He always turns up like clockwork and is never tardy so I guess he deserves as much. It is easy to get caught up in your own struggles but harder to consider another’s plight. Perhaps he is suffering from the same perpetual cycle and shares my frustration. I like to consider myself a good sport so, with that in mind, “Oh my God. No. Who…who are you?” There, I have done my bit, now let me go. No? Looks like the right-side flank is a no-no also.
This is really beginning to irk my chain. You never get used to the pain, it is consistently uncomfortable and even worse when you are already expectant. My asshole is clenched this time but I fear that will just offer more leverage. Indeed, my estimations were on the money. I won’t be trying that again. Think of the upside, in moments I shall be back in the starter’s blocks and the smarting pain will be a fading memory once more. At least there is that. Please no…Argh!
I have a confession to make. Seven has always been my lucky number. This is my one chance to tip the scales and find a way out of this perpetual nightmare. I’m growing so weary of this. Waking up surrounded by the gutted cadavers of my dearest friends gets old fast. True to form, here come the footsteps. Tarnations! I haven’t thought this out. Instead of concocting my plan I have been too busy chewing the fat with you guys. It’s alright for you lot, you get to watch on from a secure vantage where I repeatedly get the shitty-end of the stick. I’m done, out of ideas, a spent force. The only option available is to lay here motionless and take what is coming. What’s the point of exerting myself anyhoots? It always ends in tears.
Sweet Jesus of Nazareth, it worked. Cold-blooded killer he may be but brain surgeon he most certainly isn’t. He only went and fell for it. Didn’t bat an eyelid as he cast his eye over the pile of carcasses littering the room. I am the cherry on top and have somehow managed to slip directly under his radar. Of course, I had to endure over a minute of holding my breath and that’s no easy feat with my lung capacity. It’s easier said than done when the juggernaut in question is stood firmly on your calf muscle but somehow, through sheer bloody-mindedness, I pulled that shit off. It’s amazing what you can achieve when you put your mind to it.
All that is left now is for me to get the fuck out of dodge undetected. It’s a full three minutes since he made his exit, long enough for the coast to be clear in my estimations. Even if he is still in the vicinity, I’m sure I could outrun him in less confined surroundings. Then, finally, I can put this whole sorry affair behind me and move on with my life. I shall be putting it down to karma and my first act will be to donate the loose change in my pocket to that transient on the train home. Not everyone gets a second chance, let alone a seventh bite of the cherry so I consider myself somewhat charmed. This chance will not go begging.
The coast is clear. I can see my antagonist, he is approximately thirty yards from my coordinates and looking in the opposite direction which is preferable as I’d rather keep him where I can see him than experience his sneak attack. I can slide along the wall to my left, through the narrow walkway and that leads directly to the main road. If all goes to plan, I’ll be back home in twenty minutes and free of this hoodoo. Here goes, wish me luck. I made it! I’m at the roadside and the refreshing breeze of passing vehicles is a breath of fresh air after what I have been forced to endure, endure and endure some more. I’m outta here. Hold on just a second, that automobile isn’t doing thirty. It’s heading right for me. Moreover, I don’t think the driver is paying attention. She’s not, goddammit she’s playing Jewel Crush. Please no… Argh!