The Night Before Christmas



I hope that Santa gets here soon
it’s getting somewhat late
all year I’ve been on tenterhooks
that’s a helluva time to wait


I’ve played my part and towed the line
to show I’m deserving
I trust he will remember that
when it comes to my serving


A bicycle and three new toys
that’s quite the modest list
if he is who he claims to be
he’ll see I get my wish


If not I plan to stamp my feet
create a mighty scene
and let him know in no uncertain
terms that he’s so mean




He only works but once a year
can’t blame it on fatigue
there’s only a few billion kids
with rudimentary needs


I visited his grotto
and rattled off my terms
he nodded in agreement seemed
no cause to be concerned


Yet here I lay on Christmas eve
my stocking in plain sight
No sign of an intruder
and that stocking’s looking light


Worry not I’m sure all’s well
I think I hear him now
his sled broke down so he came through
on Scatman Crowthers’ plough




It seems he also grabbed the ax
from deep within his chest
I hear its sharp edge on the stairs
as it bumps every step


He’s getting close it’s time to feign
that I’m in fact asleep
I’ll keep my left eye open
so that I can take a peep


I don’t wish to be picky but
he’s not what I presumed
I guess I’ve learned a lesson
that it’s not wise to assume


It’s hard to see exactly
as his bulbous rump is blocking
sight of what untasty treats
he’s dropping in my stocking




That bloody ax looks ominous
leaned up against my wall
I’m banking on his work load
making sure that axe don’t fall


It seems he must have overheard
is short on Christmas cheer
I count my lucky stars
that Santa comes but once a year


There’s that axe it’s hoisted high
above this heathen’s head
decapitation quick escape
then back off to his sled


Block your chimneys bolt your doors
don’t let the rascal through
for once inside he’ll raise all hell
and he’s coming for you







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