The Creep




Ghost Hunt anime by J.C.Staff 


Listen to Suggested Audio: 


The Creeps by Fedde Le Grande ft. Camille Jones 




“Hi there sweetheart, you come here often? Cheesy line but always grants a yes or no. Would you like to go on a date? At my bedsit up in Whitechapel. A quick coffee then down to a bit of the old ‘Adults Only’.


No shower first, I like sweat and ass odour you see. Have you eaten? I’ll get hard and you can regurgitate over my cock. I want you to eat it off like a horsefly on a banana then piss down your legs to get wet. Urine infection preferred. I usually take ages to cum so I like hot liquid candle wax dripped onto my nipples and scrotum. Then blow the candle out with your ass! Do you want some laxatives?


We could pig out on Haribo Fizzy Sharks, drink Lactulose, watch an episode of Miami Vice and go to the bathroom. I’ve got a corner bathtub you see. Room only for me ‘cos I’m a fat cunt but we’ll squeeze in together. We’ll massage each other’s intestines and then shit into vacuum pack bags. You ever tried a vacuum pack over your head? Suck out the air and… actually we could just watch each other shit. Two sexy volcanic eruptions. I’ll then piss on you, you know, to rinse it all off.


Pussy doesn’t do it for me. I came out of my mother’s one after she chickened out of the coat hanger abortion. And psychotherapy was a failure because I suffocated my therapist with a carrier bag.


Sorry love, I always drift off topic. I’m not that lacking in romance girl. We could skateboard to the carwash and then masturbate? I have some coupons for a free Big Mac and fries. What do you say girl, would you like to come on a date with me???” 


“Okay. First off no I don’t come here often. Erm… wow. No.

I don’t go to stranger’s houses

I love coffee but not with you. 

You’re a pervert, or are you? Who fucking knows what’s sexually acceptable. Fizzy Sharks are my favourite so you got me there, I’m slightly tempted. I’m a bulimic epileptic so there’s a risk I’d bite your cock off, swallow it then because of your Lactulose, shit it out with the sound of a wine bottle being opened.

Candles? I only burn white ones for peace. I could blow it out with my ass but have you considered backdraft? You’ll have more than shit and piss to clear up. 

Miami Vice? Seriously? Breaking Bad and I’d be slightly tempted… bitch!

You don’t know me yet propose some ideas you’ve seen on Japanese pornography sites I’ll bet. You missed out live octopus, tentacle porn.  Anyway, how do you know I’m not into Satanic acts and underage orgies? Rubbing arterial spurts over each other as we recline on 18th century graves? We’d cut your fucking head off afterwards. 

Pussy doesn’t do it for you? I flopped from one rather prematurely but the cunt is a place of exquisite beauty. Pop the hood and fire up the engine. A lot more Godly wonder than your flaccid dick. Have you ever tried to masturbate with a coat hanger up your urethra? Try that, drip some candle wax on your balls and see what’s hotter. 

Carrier bag suffocation? What did your therapist do to deserve that, steal your stroke medication? 

You see, I AM lacking in romance. I have some coupons for 15% off sanitary products. I’d love to get naked, play my Casio keyboard and watch you asphyxiate on tampons to shut your fucking boring mouth”.


“Erm… uh… I thought you’d like to? You look the type with your big red headphones and lickable trainers. I’m sorry. Not sorry, no fuck you, no-one says no to me. You cunt”.


Moments later across the bar… “Hi there sweetheart, do like Miami Vice and Haribo sweets?” 




Sharon Lawson


Valium Freak




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