Arose For Audrey

Featured art by Guilherme Gomes

In 2013, I attended six sessions of therapy, whereby I was empowered to rewire my mind from scratch. Arose For Audrey is a personal thank you to the lady who set the wheels in motion for my recovery.

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Thomas Newman “Arose”

Thank you dear Audrey
For planting the seed
As I live and I breathe
With both heart and mind freed
Thank you sweet Audrey
For planting the seed
That conceived the late making of me

Cast your mind back
To mid twenty thirteen
And please do take a bow
In the here and the now
As I recall a vow and a deed

Had thrown in the towel
To lessen the bleed
Was all out of nouns
To express my unease
The antidepressants were clearly not working
Seemed to be lean on fresh teardrops for jerking
Challenges deemed to be loss leaders for the shirking
Pains inflamed and entertaining habit for recurring
Howbeit, my keen to dig deep was unerring
And thus I leaned in
Once the hand began turning

One hour
My window
To all of me
Cautiously guarded for so many ferried moons
Regarded as surplus to further requirement
Deferred to more permanent tomb
The room
Of pallid hue
Appeared long ravaged of a view
While hardly lavish
I felt charmed
To feel no sway to raise alarm
Your face relayed a state of calm
Remembered to this day
For it remains the safe place I regained my stance

All childhood recollections
Had been tainted to this juncture
Gone was any longing sense of wonder
Memories of incandescent dawns were torn asunder
While numb to joys a boy my age should feel

Suddenly revealed
Some way less sullen a remembrance
Out of body I embodied more belonging evidence
Braving fierce waves
I embraced all native elements
Childlike again
Ascertained its great relevance
Knew well in fact
To hell and back
Was bound to impart scars
Yet often its the gravest tracks
That lead us back to chance

Mine was greatest legwork
Such could nary be denied
Yet every word I spoke
You skipped rope gaily by my side
Every now and then
We’d pause
To watch the steep falls glisten
And in this moment Audrey dear
I never feared you’d brought me here
To hear me when sincerely you could listen

For all unceasing wisdom
You entreated me to make my own decisions and provisions
With the vision I had gleaned
Weaned me from the teat
With an obscene degree of self belief
Mental health had been all catch
Until you placed tabs on the act of release
Thank you sweet Audrey
For guiding me back
To the most exact vapors of me
Cast your mind back
To mid twenty thirteen
When you laid the famed tracks
To the making of me

Richard Charles Stevens

Keeper of The Crimson Quill

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1 Comment

  1. “Yet every word I spoke
    You skipped rope gaily by my side”
    I love this piece, it describes so much in quite short a read and I am so proud of you for how far you’ve come and continue to now encourage me and all who share your journey to remain serene. My therapy journey started in 1995 and was on off until 2018 when they finally collated their findings and found me a whopping great label. Least it explained a few things!
    Here’s to Audrey and the multitude I can’t recall 🥂

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