Suggested Audio Candy:
Boy Sets Fire Release the Dogs
2014 is now well upon us, the January blues have settled in and all festivities are now little more than quaint recollections. No more crackers to pull, turkey sandwiches to scoff and tinsel to wrap around our genitals (what do you mean you don’t partake?) Whilst the outlook is ordinarily somewhat bleak at this point and the polar cap appears to be distending, there is cause to be very much excitable as a certain fallen choir-boy is sharpening his tool-set in preparation for what is without qualm the most Kraken-like horror movie pageant of blood-letting in many a year.
The mere prospect of The Orphan Killer: Bound X Blood is enough to evoke a high-tide of cobalt and sulfur in my pallete. So much hard work and perseverance has gotten us to the point we are at now with visionary Dark King of Grue Matt Farnsworth and his criminally coquettish True Scream Queen Lady Diane Foster leading the next great horror charge.
Not since the Eighties has the genre had such exclusive opportunity to step again from the shadows and the gargantuan responsibility of marching us on falls squarely on the shoulders of these two fine people. Historically there would be some degree of trepidation where expectation is so fierce. However, largely due to the pair’s constant endeavor to pad out our TOK experience in the interim, we just know that we are in the very safest hands.
The Orphan Killer is hot right now, if it were a potato then no fucker would dare juggle it for fear of spontaneous combustion. They have kindled our blaze of fancy by affording us constant needles of our favorite narcotic, trending like a motherfucker the whole bloody way. Now the game faces are about to go on, knuckles are cracked and they’re ready to shatter our mental pelvises once more. Believe me when I cite, very clearly, that y’all will be walking with a limp for some time afterwards. No amount of Vagisil will take away the chafes of delight and, for uncut gentleman, those foreskins are gonna shred like junk mail.
Marcus Miller has been gnawing off his own face in preparation, the letting of the first film was merely appetizer and this time out there will be no gastric band herculean enough to prevent our slothful ingestion. Miller never did fuck about, whether machete, axe or the heel of his boot, the one constant was human litter…and plenty of it. If that film was banned in Germany then I would imagine TOK: Bound X Blood will have them hoiking forth their Fischbrötchen when it lands.
Our Dark King is burning right now with rampant flames of passion, you can see such with one glance into those ultramarine peepers. He’s got his incisors embedded in hundreds of thousands of panties and he can’t wait to wrestle them free from their bunched centers. Now, Farnsworth’s orbs are shimmering in the extreme, one can almost discern the waves crashing around his pupils but they aren’t just for bewitching.
Those keen eyes will be studious the whole time, making damned sure that the franchise doesn’t rest on its laurels and instead takes that logical step into the history books. It’s a no-brainer, he has the right level of perfectionism which, when coupled with such an indisputable prowess for film-making, gets the salivary glands all a tingle.
And what of our Lady Die? Her beauty is kaleidoscopic and every twist brings even more resplendent ocular gratification to our drooling peepers. The image above says it all without need for words but I shall persist in attempting to find superlatives hulking enough to come within a country mile of the vicinity of the block where it feels as though justice has been done. You get me?
That’s right, horror really was the benefactor of her decision to embrace it so lustfully. As estranged sibling Audrey she has already traveled to hell and back and, due to her startling turn, we feel as though we have taken the whole blood-caked journey with her. Second time out she promises to ooze even more of that wonderful darkness and we just know there won’t be a choked pore in sight as she uses every muscle to convey her inner-coal.
Anybody expecting Farnsworth and Foster to simply dial in this sequel will be left with a face full of free-range as they have been working towards this tirelessly and have no intention of letting this opportunity slip. Global domination is assured, whatever hefty frontrunners are planning on doing their rounds when TOK is unchained for a second time will have to be content with surrendering their limelight as there is such frenzy already and we’re still a few weeks away from shooting commencing. Our monarchs are feeling positively regal right now and this belief will bear the ripest blackest fruits believe me. 2014 shall be a most bloody year Grueheads.
There’s death all around us depleting our air
its disconsolate stench black as night
there’s no real safe haven he’s already there
your misery spells his delight
He’s slayed us before and he’ll do it once more
his blood lust will never be sated
until which time her gizzards garnish the floor
she’ll never be emancipated
Run, hide as she may that scent of decay
will always be one step behind her
and should she resist he’ll convince her to stay
with taut barbed wire shackles that bind her
No further reprieve for his petulant kin
It’s written all over her face
She cannot deny the cruel darkness within
As her birthright must now be embraced
The sinning has barely even started,
Keeper of the Crimson Quill
First Knight of TOK
Copyright: Crimson Quill: Savage Vault Enterprises 2014