Heels: Slips, Trips and Falls

2015-03-051 sexy-red-shoes-nick-freemon



Suggested Audio Candy


[1] Nancy Sinatra “These Boots Are Made For Walkin”

[2] Elvis Costello “(Angels Wanna Wear My) Red Shoes”




It had been one helluva night thus far; plenty of incident, a dash of cold blooded murder, and Vallie hadn’t even achieved what she had come for yet. Her heels had demanded Sally-Jane be taught a particularly harsh lesson and Vallie was still very much focused on making that so but Randy had thrown a spanner in the works with his lecherous attempt at getting inside her shoes. Although he was now permanently out of commission, the pain in both her ankles still persisted and she was very much aware that it was time to take care of unfinished business, or face the most dire consequences.

Vallie pushed impatiently through the crowds of inebriated revelers but there was no sign of her nemesis. Could it be that they had left without informing her? Admittedly, she had taken her eye off the prize and the last she discerned the pair were getting on famously with a brace of potential sperm donors. She expected as much from Sally-Jane; there was evidently no love lost between them despite any fake smiles and hollow compliments. But Melissa, on the other hand, had been her best friend since kindergarten and wouldn’t simply up and leave without first making her aware.




She pulled her cell from her bag. 1 New Message. It was indeed Melissa.


It was only sent seven minutes ago so it was likely the pair wouldn’t have gotten far in that time. Vallie decided it was for the best that she vacate the premises as it wouldn’t be long before one of the bar staff discovered Randy’s corpse and she couldn’t be sure whether anybody noticed her with him prior to her unspeakable acts. It was time to get out of dodge before the net came closing in and, considering somebody had tampered with Sally-Jane’s drink, chances were that they would still be in the vicinity.

She grabbed her coat from the cloakroom on her way out and headed off to the East in an attempt to catch up with them before her opportunity for retribution passed. Her heels had already made it agonizingly clear in no uncertain terms that they wouldn’t settle for failure; Vallie didn’t wish to entertain such defeatist thoughts and she already knew that her demanding footwear wasn’t about to accept any further substitutions by the crippling pain in both ankles.

It didn’t take long to make up any ground and Vallie could make out Sally-Jane hobbling along, propped up against Melissa, a hundred or so yards in front, so she relaxed for a moment and took time to regroup. She had no intention of allowing any harm to befall her best friend but needed to suss out a way to get her out of the picture. Her heels were somewhat forthcoming with suggestions although none of them sounded particularly appealing at this point.

“Not her. I can’t. She’s done nothing wrong. That would make me a bad person”




Vallie was growing accustomed to her heels’ harsh rejoinders and doubled over in pain as they tightened their vice-like grip yet again.

“You can’t expect me to do that. I won’t. I just won’t do it. Leave it to me, I’ll work something out. Yes I know I’m skating on thin ice. I’m doing my level best here alright? Damn, you’re demanding”


“Oh fuck. Now you’ve done it”

“Is that you bitch?”

Melissa had overheard her impassioned pleas and Vallie knew that she would be required to think on her feet once again.

“You won’t do what?”

“Nothing. That was my mom on the phone. She wanted me to lend her my Pradas for some cocktail party or something”

“Your OCD is way out of control”

“I’m working on it”

“Not important right now. We need to get this one home”

“Jesus she looks dreadful”

“She’s not in a good way bitch. Some asshole must have dropped something in her beer. I think it may have been Molly”

“That’s like ecstasy right?”

“I’d say they were on par yes. She spent five minutes flailing her arms about like a mad person and then her heel broke and she fell headlong in front of everyone. It was so embarrassing”

“Cheap shoes. I knew it”

“Again, not important right now. Here, take over for a minute would you? She’s dead weight and I don’t fancy getting a hernia”

Vallie did as Melissa requested and draped her arm over Sally-Jane’s shoulders. The wounded animal was barely compo mentis and nuzzled into her shoulder, whilst babbling incoherently.

“I’m gonna get you home alright? Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you bitch”

“I don’t think we should leave her alone tonight. I say we get her back to my place, it’s nearest from here”



“That’s fine. I’ve got this”

“Uh-uh Vallie. Us bitches stick together. I ain’t going nowhere”

Vallie felt fortunate to have a friend like Melissa. Sure, they’d had their differences over the years but, no matter what transpired, she was always consistent. She felt downright wretched as she stuck out a leg and watched as her best friend came a cropper, tumbling to the pavement and knocking herself out cold on the concrete. If guilt was the order of the day then it was only heightened by the fact that the fallen angel had knocked her two front teeth out on the curb and now resembled Buckwheat. It wasn’t the time for sorries and the fact remained that her spoke in the works had proven effective as it now left her as Sally-Jane’s sole gatekeeper. She’d simply work a little overtime to fund her friend’s dentures. That wasn’t of utmost importance right now, she had to get them back to Sally-Jane’s apartment three blocks away before there would be sufficient privacy to provide the ultimate payback.

As much as Vallie’s heels were cutting into her ankles for the entire journey; they had at least proved themselves sturdy. When they arrived, the elevator was out of commission, leaving the unattractive option of a four flight stairwell looming large. Ordinarily, she would have removed her footwear before undertaking such an ascension but it was, in no small way, thanks to them that she eventually reached the summit. There was no time to recuperate so she fumbled with Sally-Jane’s bunched keys and, after a couple of failed attempts, game was well and truly on once again.



What an absolute sacrilege. There had to be two dozen shoes strewn about her boudoir; but alarmingly not one discernible pair amongst them. If Vallie had entertained any second thoughts about ending Sally-Jane’s pitiful existence then she sure as shit wasn’t pondering them any more. Bitch deserved everything coming her way; for breaking the first rule of friendship so unkindly, seemingly doubling her body mass as she was bumped up seventy two steps, and now for downright inexcusable crimes against footwear.

She threw her cross to bear down unceremoniously on her unkempt bedspread and took a well deserved breather while her heels relayed their desire.

“Alright, give me a minute will you? It’s alright for you, you didn’t just have to scale Kilimanjaro. Yes, I know you were there too. No, I’m not having second thoughts. Of course I’m aware of the repercussions. Christ, you’re pedantic”

Anything for a quiet life. Vallie sighed and decided that she wasn’t about to get a moment’s peace until she had dealt with this final obstruction. Sally-Jane was blissfully unaware that her continuation had been bargained with unfruitfully and wore a grin brimming with half-consumed shit to attest to such. Vallie couldn’t stomach her stupid smile any longer as it masked contempt and there was nothing she despised more than fake friends. She climbed atop the divan and stood towering over her quarry as her heels finally got their way.




There appeared no finer place to put them to use than Sally-Jane’s temple. Using her favored left heel she tilted her docile victim’s head to the side and plunged the sharp-end in with sufficient force for her cranium to capitulate entirely. It was that quick; almost a disappointment after such build-up. She had done all that was asked of her; neither Randy or Sally-Jane were particularly nice people and were more than deserving of punitive measures. However, Vallie was beginning to see clearly the consequence of her actions and the sight of her archenemy’s caved in skullcap became too much burden to shoulder, forcing her to violently vomit over the valance, filling to overflow a sickeningly mustard colored discarded pump in the process. Enough was enough; this had to end now. She removed both heels.



It was 2.57 am and the normally bustling town square was eerily quiet. Vallie made great haste in returning to Dorcis and procrastinated not in forsaking her beloved heels, placing them lovingly on the front step before offering her final sermon.

“It’s with the deepest regret that our paths must deviate here. I’m sorry I couldn’t be who you wanted me to be, truly I am. I did what you asked but I’m not a bad person and just feel that our affiliation is somewhat toxic. I hope in time you understand. I love you both dearly. Goodbye”

She left the same way she came.

Meanwhile, in a darkened alley alongside the store, old Bill Tavistock, resident nomad and proud owner of the most bedraggled beard in town, vacated his cardboard shrine and commenced shuffling towards the light.

“Crazy bitch. Talking to herself. And they say I’m unhinged. Oh my. How delightful. New shoes”

Bill looked down at his tattered boots and both exposed big toes, in desperate need of pedicure, looked straight back at him.

“Fuck it”

He swooped in and claimed his unexpected prize, scurrying back to the shadows gleefully to try on his new heels.





Truly, Really, Clearly, Sincerely,


Keeper of the Crimson Quill

Copyright: Crimson Quill: Savage Vault Enterprises 2015



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