Host Toast

Listen to Live Reading

Questions, questions
Open to suggestion
Food for thought is one thing but how ’bout this indigestion
Riddle me this and I shall riddle you right back
Lucky, lucky you as I do care for the mention

If I cry in my V.T., will the public vote for me
If I lie to the committee, will they sing my praises openly
If I die before I’m fifty, will I rise to fame posthumously
Can a dead man thank his fans emotionally

Does it pay to be outspoken or need we pay a token fee
If I look at you all doey eyed, will you discern unspoken plea
If I never groomed a womb, can I have a hysterectomy
Will over thinking have adverse effect on me

If I fall before the watershed, will I find myself on prime time
If my face drops down on one side, can I bank on fast response time
If I transport you to Bangkok, will you swear to love me long time
Need the right place always have the wrong time

Can I really play with madness, bring my daughter to the slaughter
If I linger at the panty drawer, will you think me a stalker
If I dress up as a Taco, will gringos eat me at the border
Does all this oatmeal really make me taller

Questions, questions
Stupid bloody questions
Got to find an outlet for this bunched up nervous tension
Stuck in the middle of a Hard Rock Café
With nothing on my plate but bleeding questions

Is this what it sounds like when a dove begins to cry
If I were a cyclops, would you poke me in the eye
If I were a punk rocker, would my hair make quaint arrangement
If I break out in a nasty rash, does that mean I host contagion

Need strict rules apply for every solitary last time
Is there valid reason that I’m reading this in rhyme
Maybe I’ll just stop…

Nah, fuck it
That’s just hate crime

If I leave this question pending…

Will you start to get the hump
If I see an actor trending, does that mean they’ve bit the dust
If you cannot trust a Cosby, then really – WHAT THE FUCK!
I’m burning all my sweaters as those knits bring shitty luck

If I borrow something blue, then can we play husbands and wives
If I came in like a wrecking ball, would I break on through to the other side
Could I do myself a mischief by playing with sharp knives
And should I eat a pussy, would I stand to gain nine lives

If I gang up on a posse, would they have me bang to rights
If I choose to kill a mockingbird, would its flock peck out my eyes
If you spill guts on your garters, can I play with your insides
If I shave my legs, could I rock heels and fishnet tights

Can I dress up as a girl or need I dress down to a boy
If I press down this red button, how many scuds might I deploy
I may well be dismembered, but could I be your favorite toy
How about if I stand here all wide-eyed, looking coy

Questions, questions
Objects of affection
Never less than blessings when no question of intention
Call me preconceived and I will show you post-regression
Call me host with most and I shall close this with a toast

For what we have received, may we all be truly grateful
Can see you haven’t finished yet, hanging on to half a plateful
Excuse me if I’m blunt, but that’s just bloody wasteful
Not to be a cunt, but I expect that plate licked clean before you dare to leave the table

Alas, the time has come to find out why eight’s so damn hateful
Apply a dash of English, so I can sink that tricky 8-ball
Some may call me troubled, others mentally unstable
And no, actual insanity really isn’t all that painful

Next question?

Richard Charles Stevens

Keeper of The Crimson Quill