Sex Sells, Genitals Smell

addiction

Suggested Audio Candy:

 

Korn “A.D.I.D.A.S.”

 

Showing_Off_by_jFury

To begin, I shall read you a statement. “The woman stopped halfway across the level crossing and bent down as two of her nectarines had fallen out of her handbag.” Enthused? Neither am I. Now I shall repeat the process only this time with a little experiment in mind. “The woman, naked from the waist down, stopped halfway across the level crossing and bent down as both her breasts had fallen out of her blouse.” I noticed a lot more clutch control second time around, could it be that there is now reason to stop? Of course there is as one of the truest facts of life is that sex sells. There may be more reputable ways of making that point but none that leave such a lingering image.

umbrafox_commission_1b_by_rrward-d4mlwc1

Sex has always sold; since long before my winkle broke free of its shrink-wrap and commenced to freeze in terror where it remained for the following five years. Back then opinions were far more prudish and there were things just not spoken about but that was nothing a little incessant desensitization couldn’t remedy. Now it is widely regarded as hot topic from the moment schools begin to teach it in their curriculum at six. I hardly even knew I possessed one of these totems until at least ten but then I herald from an entirely different epoch. Had I known and been reminded that I shouldn’t use my gift until marriage, then I would have been waving it around like a special purpose for my entire pre-adolescence. Ignorance was bliss back then.

Surfing_by_Dominic_Marco

Nowadays the Teletubbies get themselves off; Mickey Mouse’s Clubhouse is nothing more than a well-disguised knocking shop for recovering nymphomaniacs and even sweet little Hannah Montana has taken to swinging about naked on a wrecking ball. What has the world come to? I’m not entirely sure but I think I like it. You see, there is damned good reason why sex is such a marketable tool and that is because, for the few seconds pre-ejaculation, the world seems like a brighter place, full of opportunity and smiles. The chemical shift is so extreme, pheromones so potent, that we lose all restraint and promptly spill the beans wearing the most ridiculous mug shot. What a marvelous contraption; our very own fully contained, personalized cum vendor and it’s attached to our very personage.

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Whether yours is an innie or an outie, and results do vary, both are more formidable than any other part of the body. A penis is a boy’s best friend, a musket to fight off those pesky Zulus, and an ensign just waiting to plant its flag behind enemy lines. A vagina, on the other hand, is a girl’s BFF, a hive for the pollination, with spacious storage and one’s very own lady garden to boot. Sure there are down sides; for a man the nauseating feeling of catching a little sack in the fly of your denims and, for the fairer sex, the fact that one’s minge is also an occasionally congested freeway for busted oviums. All things considered however, the pluses far outweigh any minuses.

genital_warfare_by_evilinemoonflesh-d4284cw

Hardly a day passes when I don’t scrutinize my monster at least once. He never seems to buckle under questioning even though I set upon him like the Spanish Inquisition. In addition, my hand pays both him and the mother brains a regular visit for the odd scratch, flick or pick. It must get darned lonely down there, so far from the central receptors, cast aside and kept hidden away like a dirty little secret. I think of it as team-building, morale boosting and regular service to keep the circulation flowing. It also helps my penis to feel like it is a part of something and not the last to know all the time. While the brain and peepers are in cahoots selecting a desirable suitor using special inebriation goggles, poor old Mr Whistle is sweating it out in the cellar, unaware as to where his next bite shall come from. Poor little fella.

legal_assistant_by_fransmensinkartist-d4gd72q

Recently I have been perusing the stats for Rivers of Grue and this has confirmed exactly what I expected. A combined 12,000 hits plus change for three articles in particular, all of which focus around carnal pleasures. That’s right, the worldwide web is simply buzzing with other folk, each of which possess their very own penis or vagina. It appears to be something of a common thread. It unites us through the one medium none of us can resist a peek at. Whether bare bottoms, ripped abs, pectorals and pussy farts; they’re all winners in this game.

Black_Shamrock_by_Dominic_Marco

Sex is a pursuit which has been remarkably dry on the ground for Keeper the past year. My testicles have all-but fossilized and the love racket is sick of playing squash on its lonesome. Nevertheless I keep all shrubbery from overhanging and keep it aerated at every conceivable opportunity, for the time when it is called into play once more. The memory vaults have all but dried up which is no source of encouragement for my nether regions. It’s the brain’s job to supply the candies although I guess confectionary doesn’t last forever so I don’t cause a fuss. Everyday I let the beast roam free of his cage and he thanks me to the tune of a million more doomed sperms each time without fail. He pays his dues, I’ll give him that.

summer_of_corruption_by_gunsmithcat-d6u793c

So, you see, as long as one’s Johnson hangs on in there and continues to compensate with its own creamy currency, sex will always be bankable. Sex=Profit. In a world where large chain stores mass produce panties for six-year olds which read “kiss me quick” it is no less than we can expect. The word taboo itself has become taboo now; that’s just the wheels of industry trundling over us. Our multiverse has augmented, view points changed considerably and I hear even Burger King are planning to reveal their very own Flaming Cunt Burger in October. I’m sure that will taste great alongside two girls, one refill. Sex sells, get over it, if you can’t beat them you may as well join them.

stephanie23

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