Always Tomorrow

 

 

 

Title art by Rimel Neffati. Click image to visit her studio.

 

 

 

 

Don’t know what’s up
Don’t know what’s down
Don’t know how I feel as I am nothing less than numb
Don’t know if the race is run or under starter’s orders
Don’t know if that one fine day will come
All I see are borders, where before I saw an endless sea
All I feel is foolish for believing in what’s meant to be
Don’t know if I care to share or dare to wear my heart upon my sleeve
Don’t know here from there as I am somewhere in-between

 

Don’t know how to cope with hands that choke my hope relentlessly
Don’t know if I’ll ever be the same
Don’t know what’s predicted but all signs lead to a wicked game
Don’t possess an inkling how to play
Second thinking everything while sinking in the clay
Drinking in the fraught thoughts of the day
Don’t know what to say as words escape less they be bled upon this page
Waiting for a flood of tears to wash them all away

 

Know I’m hurting worse than ever one time in my life
Know I’m flirting openly disaster
Know that I’m depriving myself light by falling back
Don’t know how I’m feeling about that
Don’t wish to put a dampener where one applies a plaster
Not looking to sought after bringing anybody down
Not looking to hereafter to supply my questions answers
Far too busy staring at the ground

 

Don’t know if my efforts to this point have been in vain
Don’t know if I’ll ever smile again
Know this isn’t in my nature
Not to leap with faith
Got to keep believing I can push on through the pain
Got to keep on fighting as my Viking brother wouldn’t have it any other way
Got to reach inside and find the reason I delight in life
If only there was reason left to try

 

Don’t know what’s up with me
What’s going down with me
Can’t think productively
Far too much grounding me
Sounding out fears that the sum of my tears
Amount to the incessant hum in my ears
Droning persistently
Forming a fist at me
Making me history
Drowning me out
Found out I’m magic
Isn’t that just tragicomic
Popping candy in a sea of vomit

 

Evermore the optimist
Esteemed as escapologist
I’m honest to the bones of me
Supposedly unbreakable
With everything I thought I knew unknown and most debatable
I’m waiting for some kind of absolution
Howbeit, there appears no quick solution to my plight
Up and down the wrong way round
Each day in talks endorsing blackest night
Caustic thoughts are eating me inside

 

Tapeworm writhing
Black horse rising
This is not my chosen fate
These are not my frozen screams
Not au fait with broken dreams
Someone out there knows just how I feel
Someone out there heals each time this quill of mine proceeds to loss lead, bleed and overspill
Someone out there won’t give up when things get tough and life plays rough
Someone out there cares enough to dare to love me just enough to see this lion through the night and reinstate my most ferocious pride
And it appears that someone must be I

 

Crying helps
The salt is healing
Suddenly, I’m feeling something
The only one revealing something when I need it most
I raise a toast to all the souls whose glow I feel about me
Those for whom my verses still hold meaning
Those who see a light when there are precious little sources
Those whose souls are candidly amorphous
You are all I have right now
My last line of defense
My sword and shield from whence battle commences to the bitter end

 

Making sense of every bit of feeling
Up or down, I’m still around and set upon revealing
Any less would not be me
My all is all I lend to thee
This will not prove the end of me
Ostensibly I’m healing
Should my words mean anything
Then everything will be okay
Maybe not today
In face of harvester of sorrow
But then, I guess there’ll always be tomorrow

 

 

 

Richard Charles Stevens

 

2 Comments

  1. Commented on Facebook, Lion.

    “All I feel is foolish for believing in what’s meant to be”
    Absolutely not!! Circumstances can be just downright cruel.

    1. Had to work through some real pesky human emotions for this one, Mouse. Twas a journey for sure and I’m pretty sure I exorcised said demons from me in that very moment.

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