Frankenstein Meet Bride



This piece of fiction was inspired by the above work of art by Chuck Kunkle

Suggested Audio Candy:


 [1] Sister Sledge “Frankie”

[2] Frank Waxman “Bride of Frankenstein”



Frankenstein lonely. Not ever had friend. Frankenstein bored; need companion. Cold down here in basement. Owner turn off central heating at night. He get angry at Frankenstein; call him bad names. Make Frankenstein feel sad. Frankenstein try cheer Owner up; make more angry. Owner flog Frankenstein with leather belt…hurts. Frankenstein have feelings; wish Owner knew. Frankenstein still finding feet. Legs for walking, hands make good clap, not sure on dangly bit. Frankenstein still much to work out. Told world outside big. Asked to see; Owner said no. Not yet; world not ready. Frankenstein got one friend; he small. Friend has dangly bit too. Frankenstein let friend eat cheese. Frankenstein have slow metabolism; cheese get lodged. Friend live in hole in wall. No talk; friend just squeak. Funny little friend.


Owner make promise to Frankenstein. Make new friend. Frankenstein excited; when Owner go bed Frankenstein dance happy dance. Hard with boots; boots big. Boots real big. Frankenstein confused; not have club foot. Why boots have be so big? Lots Frankenstein still learn. Frankenstein like learn. Read books when bored. Often bored. If Owner hurry with build friend; make Frankenstein smile. Got parts; there…look. Nice parts. Make dangly bit feel funny. Owner says she Bride. Frankenstein read book on law; marry seem lot of work. Frankenstein prefer take slow; get know Bride before take step like that. She be girlfriend for while; take slowly so no make mistake. Save her cheese too. Gift make Bride happy. Frankenstein like make happy. Give Frankenstein warm feeling.


Owner say tonight big night. Bride wake up. Ask Owner for dating tips. Got belt instead. Frankenstein want make strong first impression; told important. Look in mirror; bad move. Reading romance novel; says what inside counts. Hope book right. Frankenstein not sure how take rejection. Just want be loved. Wish Owner see; thinks Frankenstein waste of space. I show him; prove not true. Whisk Bride off feet; take bowling. Frankenstein good bowler. Owner no take bowling as says no shoes fit. Practice with medicine ball. Got knack; knock things over. Frankenstein got turkey last night but nobody there see it. Feel like skills wasted here and room smells…smells bad. Not best place impress Bride; think Frankenstein take for dinner. Fork on left, knife on right. One elbow on table; never two. Spill food; not pick up. No belch; belch not sexy. Frankenstein visit restroom; belch in there.


Frankenstein learn about nightclub. Sound easy. Dance something Frankenstein pretty sure do well. Lift boot…slide, lift other boot…slide too. Wave arms above head; pout and make silly face. After while Frankenstein get tired; sit down and get know Bride better. Buy drinks; attempt get Bride drunk. Put over shoulder; take home. Take off Bride’s gown; not look. Tuck in covers; kiss on forehead. Act gentleman. Sleep on hard floor; until Bride wake. Pour glass water keep Bride hydrated through night. Do what can make Bride not get hangover. Hangover make Owner angry; Frankenstein not want Bride angry. Like keep peace; gentle soul Frankenstein have. Favorite film Beaches; make Frankenstein cry. Want watch with Bride; make want to cuddle. Frankenstein like cuddle. Owner not like cuddle. Owner scream when Frankenstein try cuddle. Says too heavy handed. Frankenstein squeeze tight on purpose.


Owner not all bad. Leave Frankenstein carton of cigarettes and box of matches. Tell Frankenstein try; Frankenstein not good with peer pressure. First Frankenstein cough; singe eyebrows. Feel dizzy and fall over. Twist ankle; stupid boots. Now Frankenstein got used smoking; taste not bad when get used to it. Think Frankenstein addict now; wake up first thing smoke cigarette. Before pour cup coffee. Frankenstein been reading about patches and gum. Cut down 10-a-day now. Frankenstein have willpower; need it stuck in basement. Wish Bride talk. Misery like company. Frankenstein feel unfulfilled; bitterness growing inside. Why Frankenstein not allowed out yet? Feel like dirty little secret. Owner says Frankenstein not integrate well with others; Frankenstein get sick of hearing same baloney. Once Bride wake up; Frankenstein take law into own hands. Show Owner who boss; lock him down here see if he like it. Fascist. Sorry, Frankenstein not mean get hett up. Just make mad.


Bride wake up. Frankenstein overjoyed. She scream at first; get bearings. Now she calm down; waiting for Owner go back upstairs so begin masquerade. Butterflies in tummy; not sure but think might be true love. Determined not get ahead of self. Read about chemicals; make people do silly things. When Owner finally bugger off; Frankenstein teach Bride vinyl music. Rock roll 33’s no good; need find Motown. Told sweeten deal; make Bride putty in Frankenstein hands. Owner just yawn; Frankenstein know what this mean. He go bed now; leave Marlboro on gurney for Frankenstein. Told Owner get Lights; never listen. This Frankenstein big moment. Wish luck. Frankenstein follow everything book learn about find love and hold onto. Let Bride finish waking up then turn on charm. Not long now; Frankenstein feed friend cheese while waiting. Friend not come tonight; maybe think three crowd. Guess friend right. Want go perfect; might change dynamic. Here go.

“Hello. I Frankenstein”

“Hello. I Bride”

“Nice meet you. Care for menthol smoke?”

“What those?”

“Make mouth taste nice”



“Don’t mention. Say, don’t suppose Bride want go eat?”

“Bride love go eat. Where Frankenstein suggest go eat?”

“Frankenstein not sure. Saturday night, most place open. Take walk if like”

“Bride not sure if feel up to it. Still tired…long day”

“Where Frankenstein manners? Take seat, Frankenstein get things, bring them to Bride”

“Frankenstein do that for Bride?”

“Course. Frankenstein do anything for Bride”




“Kill Owner?”


“Kill…for Bride”

“Big ask. Ask why?”

“Bride no like Owner. Owner not nice person”

“How Bride know?”

“Bride just have feeling. Frankenstein help make Bride happy?”

“Yes. Course. Always. But kill Owner? Can’t Frankenstein just knock out?”

“Owner need die.Frankenstein not getting sniff of tight green booty until kill Owner”

“That bit harsh”

“Frankenstein say love Bride. Prove it!”

“But Owner leave cigarettes, scratch itch on Frankenstein back when can’t reach. Seems bit excessive if ask me”

“Knew it. just like all others. No balls”

“Balls? What balls? Not read about balls yet”




“Go play with traffic”

“Frankenstein hope tits shrivel, fall off in soup”

“Frankenstein have body odor. Smell like raw sewage”

“Bride have fallopian fungus. Read about that one earlier”

“What that in Frankenstein pants? Look like nub”

“Don’t be mean”

“Sorry. Touch nerve?”

“Not Frankenstein fault. Didn’t get choose part”

“Where Owner find? Bait shop?”

“Now Bride just being mean”

“Ovulating. Sue Bride”

“Frankenstein not talk to Bride anymore”

“Fine with Bride”




What bitch! You saw whole thing, Frankenstein unreasonable? Thought not. Bride not nice person. Frankenstein start wonder if not good judge of character. Owner and Bride together do Frankenstein nut in. Getting out basement. Had enough. Why Frankenstein have be everyone go-to-guy when having bad day? Just not fair. Won’t make fuss; sneak out when Bride pass out. Spiked drink with sedative; watch Macgyver, learn importance of back-up-plan. Take what learned, implement, get out here. Find another home; somewhere not taken for granted or abused. Build new life; make new friend, never look back. Chalk whole sorry mess up to experience. One day Frankenstein be happy. Truly happy mean. Goodbye Owner, thank for making Frankenstein live. Frankenstein send card at Christmas; never forget owner. Goodbye Bride, hope choke on walnut, drown in own saliva. Hello world, hope first appearance not too important. Frankenstein grow on you in time.


Time come now, Frankenstein ready for brave new world. Bloody hell, what these chains around Frankenstein ankles? Looks like stuck here. No! That mean stuck with Bride. Pity sake. Why? Why world be so cruel? One more minute with Bride and Frankenstein throttle her himself.

“What you waffle on about?”

“Go back sleep hag”

“Don’t talk Bride like that”

“Bite Frankenstein”

“Actually. Bride start feel aroused. Think foreplay. Bride suddenly want angry sex”

“Minute ago Frankenstein not good enough”

“Bride had two alcopops. Judgement fuzzy. Frankenstein do”

“Well Bride certainly change tune”

“Bride’s prerogative. Now strip and make slow and sexy”

“Be rude not to suppose. Get ready. Here Frankenstein come”


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